Radical Love

There’s this new trend going around on social media of “this is the year I stop pouring into those who will never pour back”. For the longest time I soaked that up. I lived it. I had spent so much of my life faithfully serving and pouring into others, only to find myself lonely with no one pouring back into me. So when this trend came along it felt liberating and freeing. What it truly ended up doing was isolating me and hardening my heart. 

Like everything in life there is nuance to relationships and it’s never that black and white. There absolutely is space and reasoning for stepping away from relationships that are unhealthily one sided and the Bible outlines unhealthy relationships to steer away from. 

But we also see the Bible more often than not encouraging us to pour into the lowly. To mutually submit. To think of others with greater love than we love ourselves. If our goal is to be like Jesus, can we truly live a life of not loving those who don’t love us back? 

Jesus while I was still sinning (not pouring back into Jesus) died for me, saving me of my sin. Loving me with the greatest love I’ll ever receive. And let’s be honest, we will never be able to love Jesus and pour into Jesus with the same love he pours into us. 

We actually see throughout scripture commanding us to do the complete opposite. 

“By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.”

1 John 3:16-18 

““If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.”

Luke 6:32-36 

How different would our life look if Jesus simply stopped loving me and stopped showing up for me because I was a sinner? We wouldn’t ever have the gospel! We wouldn’t ever know him! 

Oh how my heart grieves the thought of Jesus living a life of “I won’t pour into people who don’t pour into me”. Yet I rejoice that we are loved by a God who even in the knowledge of his upcoming torture and death, as the result of betrayal by his close friends, still washed feet. Still died for them. Still redeemed them. Still provided a way for them to join Him in eternity.  

Jesus lived a radical life. A life that many scoffed at. Even the religious. Loving those who persecute you, loving those who don’t love back, that’s radical. In today’s world we call it naive and self sabotaging.  We also love to put clinical phrases on it to make it sound holy when we “fix the problem”. The world wraps it up as codependency, trauma bonding or simply pathetic and desperate. (Again- there are relationships that need holy intervention to redeem true trauma bonding, codependency and insecurity. But those are a different conversation for a different time). When we slap specific terms  onto generic situations, we risk believing unholy solutions are healthy. If it’s not Holy it’s not healthy. 

The goal of the world is self. Love yourself. Protect yourself. Serve yourself. While Jesus comes in with radial love. Love that did not serve Him in the flesh. A love that got Him mocked. Persecuted. Ran out of His own home town. Betrayed by his closest friends. Love that even his own disciples could not comprehend and doubted. A love that even lead to Him having God turn away from

Him. Why? For me. For my sin. Because he loves with a radical love. The outcome? Holy eternity with Him. Forever being loved by Him.   Perfect unity. He would rather risk it all to have me, than to serve himself. That’s radical love. That’s the love we’re called to receive AND called to turn around and give in return. Knowing that if we don’t receive the same radical love in return, we’re covered by His radical love. 

My sweet friend, I urge you to not buy into the worlds pretty wrapped up “wisdom” to stop pouring into those who don’t pour back. That’s simply not the way of Jesus. I know it can be lonely pouring into others to be left without the return. In that loneliness- run. Run towards Jesus and His radical love. Don’t run from others. Run towards the one whose radical love never runs out. We know that His love for you also includes Him working in you and for the good of those who love Him. It is good to have relationships that mutually love and serve. It is good to be in community. He will provide that. You just gotta stay close to His chest while Hes working out the good for you. 

Two years- ministry broke us, but the congregation healed us

Two years. It’s been two years since my husband walked through the door with an NDA in hand. One that I was held to for us to receive the next three months of income, yet I was not given the ability to read let alone sign. 

Decisions had been made and we had no voice in it. The next three months? Well, we were unable to communicate any truth as to why we were abruptly gone. Yesterday? We were surrounded by our flock, pouring our souls out at the alter. Praying over families as they wept from endless trials. Today? “We resigned and the church wishes the best for us on what God is calling us to next.” Everyone saw through the disconnect between the two days. Yet, if we wanted to keep food on the table and bills paid. We were silenced. 

We watched as our silence hurt our flock. Those previously close to us, who could trust us, were now being turned back to wolves in sheep skin to answer their confusion. We were placed between feeding our family or caring for the flock we had been anointed to care for. 

Two years ago as we wept for what God was removing from us, we had no clue we were stepping into a refining season. We would spend the next two years with him pruning us, refining us, continuing to sanctifying us. Because what he had ahead of us was FAR greater of a calling than we could’ve ever imagined. One we would have NEVER been willing to step into if we had remained where we were. One we needed equipped for and couldn’t be equipped where we had been. 

The pruning hurt. The refining burned. The sanctifying- well that required pressing into the Lord. 

Today? Church leadership broke us. Ministry became an idol that we had to surrender. But the healing? That came from the body, from the congregation. 

Tacos & Rum or Pizza & Wine?

“I’m coming over, do you want tacos or pizza? Rum & coke or wine?” Hits a lot more powerfully than “I’m praying for you let me know if you need anything”. Now before you take off with the self righteous “prayer is the most powerful!” and “drinking isn’t a healthy coping mechanism”! Yes- I agree prayer is powerful and no- drinking shouldn’t be our go to coping mechanism. But that’s not the point. 

In the season when we had two miscarriages in less than a year, I was shocked that my comfort and support didn’t come from the church. It didn’t even come from our closest family members who we know love and follow Jesus. Rather it was from the baby christians who very much knew the gospel and that Jesus saves, yet still had a lifetime of sanctification ahead of them. The one’s who still very much relied on the world’s way of doing things to live most of their life. So when we found ourselves facing death for the second time- we weren’t met with our seasoned christian family showing up. We were met with love and presence from those who had lived life in the trenches themselves and knew what got them through walking the shadows of death. 

We can’t be surprised when those facing hardships and walking the shadows of death, end up walking away from the church. Why wouldn’t they? When hardships come knocking, and we haven’t taught them how to practically lament. When hardships for our brothers and sisters in Christ come knocking and we haven’t taught them how to walk with them during the hardships. Yet, those who are of the world face hardships all the time and have been taught how to be present and comfort? Our nature is to gravitate to what feels good.  It doesn’t feel good to be pitied and have empty texts sent placing the responsibility of action on the one who’s drowning. It doesn’t feel good to be met with the empty promise to pray over you, yet can’t be bothered to stop in that moment and pray. It feels good to have someone press in and go “I see you, I’m going to be with you, I won’t try to fix it, but you won’t be alone.”

Welcome- I’m so glad you’re here. I’m not sure how you stumbled in. I don’t know what you may be facing, but what I do know, is life is beautifully messy and chaotic. Even more so when you’re married to the one who walks alongside a church full of mess and chaos and you- well, who loves on the pastors wife amongst that mess and chaos?